Negative Goal Setting?

In today’s Momentum Moment I share a goal setting technique that I haven’t shared anywhere else. It’s very simple and very powerful. The idea with negative goal setting is to recalibrate how you think of things.

Here is how you do the negative goal setting exercise:

1. Take a deep breath in and deep breath out… do that twice.
2. On the 2nd time bring to mind something that you have a lot of.

This could be debt, work, stress or opportunity; whatever it is you have a lot of. Your job here is to bring your awareness to something that you have a lot of.

1. Then ask yourself two questions
2. Do you want even more of that?
3. When did that become a goal?

I “discovered” this accidentally, several years ago. I was in job that stressed me out. The work I was doing compromised my health, my financial well-being, and my relationship with Jodi. It all came crashing down on me one day. It was then that I realized that what I had a lot of…I didn’t want any more.

I hope this video gets you thinking.

Over the past 2 weeks I have been to 7 networking events, presented 3 workshops, and have gone with friends to two (Yankees) baseball games. One thing I know:

Being present at events like these can be a challenge. There are so many distractions and everyone and everything is vying for your attention.

Tell me if you have experienced this is situation…. You arrive at a networking event and go into a room full of people you don’t know. You notice there are small and large groups of people already chatting. Through the evening, you move around the room, talking briefly to people here and there, noticing that people are not really present. I mean their bodies are there, but you can sense their minds are wandering. You can feel it. You talk to someone and in your gut you know that they don’t care about you; you notice their eyes darting around the room while you’re speaking. It seems like thave something to focus on, and it’s not you.

In the video above you can see by the smile on my face that the officer had an impact on me because she stopped and was present with me. She didn’t have an objective, she simply paused long enough to connect.

Many people believe that connecting with others is dependant upon some magical formula that you have to learn. Really it is about being present and taking the time to listen and understand who you are with in that moment.

Next time you have an opportunity to meet someone at a networking event or conference (or, while waiting to get your morning coffee tomorrow!) remember to be present and connect by attentively listening and engaging with that person. At the end of the day if you can truly understand someone, and help them achieve their goal - then in time you will achieve yours.

Be Early, Impress Clients, and Find More Time

Have you ever been early to a meeting, but showed up before anyone else so spent a few minutes just daydreaming. Most of us have. (By the way, I’m not against daydreaming…IF you have time for it, and if you’re enjoying it. However, if you have more important things to do than just wait for other people to show up, this will negatively impact your productivity.

Arriving early to a meeting is a great way to gain credibility and respect with clients, prospect or people who are trying to network with, but don’t let the downtime waiting for them go to way.

My suggestion is to ABR [always be ready] with your “tool box” of 15 minute tasks that you can do to take control of this “lost time.”

Here are a few of the things that I do when I find myself with 15 minutes of “extra” time because someone’s running late, I arrived earlier than expected, or there is a sudden delay in action:

• Read a chapter of a book
• Read through a magazine - cover to cover
• Draft an update to your mentor(s) or coach(es) to send this weekend
• Call you mom (or your dad, or your best friend, or…)
• Sit and people watch - but look for something specific (color blue, smiling faces, etc)
• Hand write a thank you card
• Confirm my upcoming reservations (hotels, restaurants, airlines, rental cars, etc)
• Review and update the next 4 weeks of my “personal” calendar

In today’s culture, when you make the intention to “be early” and be on time you automatically stand out.

Many people do not value promptness and in turn it hurts their career. I have heard many people tell me that they don’t like to be too early because they don’t want to waste time waiting around. However, if you are prepared for that time you can take advantage of it and have a double win - you can be prompt and productive.

Dunbar’s Number…it’s about 150. Have you ever heard of it? If not, take a quick read here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar%27s_number

I’m not sure I agree with him; he says the average number of stable personal relationships any one person can have is 150. But, Dunbar is an anthropolgist…and he’s British…and, he published a lot of research on this topic. In fact, he thought that this limit was biologically imposed by the relative neocortex size.

All of this is to say that it is physically impossible to know everyone you need to know to be successful. However, it is interesting to think about that every person that you connect with has 150 other people that they have substantial relationships with, and these relationships as well as the ones that you personally form are key to becoming successful.

Today look through your address book, LinkedIn, or Facebook and reach out to one person that you haven’t connected with in a long time.

Be proactive with this activity, and genuinely care about the person you are reaching out to. Get a update on what they are working on, excited about and inspired by. Also, ask how you can help them achieve their goals.

Doing so will help you establish a connection with someone. When you need help. You will have already shown that you care about them and in return they will be compelled to care about you. All you have to do is connect with someone.

Even if they can’t help, one of the 150 people they are connected to might be able to.

We - as a species - don’t always ask for the help we need.

Years ago, I faced a few very important decisions. Have you ever had to look down the street of your “Future” and make a choice now that you knew would impact the experience ahead? They say (who is “they,” anyway?) that hindsight is 20/20. I know looking back that it’s a lot easier to see when I made good (and not so good) choices about what to focus on, what to do, and what to let go of.

In this week’s video*, you’ll see me telling a couple of stories I don’t share all the time from stage. But, more and more, people are asking for the truth. And, it’s time to be fully transparent with you: I teach this stuff, because I need it…

If you found this video - and the prompts I give you - helpful, please share by clicking on the icons below. What if we ALL moved toward better…day by day? This world will be a much easier place to navigate. Oh, so will work and life as well!

*Currently, there are several athetic coaches from colleges around the United States who are reading together, one chapter at a time, through the book, Your Best Just Got Better
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If you’d like to create YOUR own book club, just let me know the 10 people who are going to read and I’ll get everyone a copy of the book. A chapter a week, it’s all we ask!

When will you tap in to your network? Not only virtually (LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, your Own Web Site, etc), but also real time. After you watch this short Momentum Moment, I challenge you to make the effort to reach out to a few people you know will be glad to hear from you. Looking for some ideas? Here are three:

Go through your address book (or your sent items) and find someone you have not emailed in a long time. Draft a 4-5 paragraph email to update them on what’s going on in your work, your world, your life. (When I do this, I send the answers to the FOUR questions I answer in my Weekly Decompress. Find out more at www.getmomentum.com/decompresslite)

Visit your LinkedIn profile, and do a search for someone you’ve done business with over the past year or two. Write a recommendation (make sure it’s at least 2 paragraphs long) that includes how you know them, what you’ve seen them do, why you trust them and where you’d recommend their service/talent.

Look at your personal interests. What would you like to be better at? Know more about? Like to spend more time doing? Next, go to your web browser and do a search to see if there’s an upcoming seminar, conference or convention that you can attend to learn more about that.